How To Belong: A Guide To Finding Your Tribe

I know the importance of finding a tribe while being an entrepreneur. There are groups everywhere. There are sports teams, community groups, and schools. These are all versions of tribes. When you get with these groups they make you feel more comfortable. They’re like family. But tribes can also be toxic. For example, think of cults and gangs. These are also tribes. They might make their members feel like family, but it’s at their expense. Finding a tribe when you’re trying to start and grow a business is one of the most important tasks you have. Be diligent about finding your tribe.

finding your tribe

Let’s take college for example. In college, everyone is on a level playing field. When I attended college, I made friends like there was nothing to it. But, I soon realized that just because someone has the same interests as me doesn’t mean we belong in a tribe. 

Not everyone deserves our friendship. Some people have hidden agendas, some simply don’t want to be left out, and some will have varying values and morals. Fortunately, at whatever life stage you’re in, you’re going to meet genuinely amazing and nasty people everywhere. The same rules apply for your business tribe.

So in college, I made amazing friends that got me through that stage of my life. The whole experience taught me to choose my companions wisely. 

Are all my friends from before still a part of my tribe now? No, not really. Why? 

Every so often, you have to go through a selection process to choose the people you wish to retain in your life because they add value to it. 

It looks like I inherently choose to keep people who add value to my life and let go of those who don’t. I also don’t need to be a part of a group to feel bigger and better anymore. With wisdom, I learned that it’s much smarter to focus on creating my own tribe instead of fixating on how to join someone else’s. 

What is a Tribe? 

A tribe is a group of people that you take pleasure in spending time with because they: 

  • Motivate you
  • Share the same values and morals 
  • Enliven your spirits 
  • Look after you 
  • Defend you
  • Guide you 
  • Bring value to your life 
  • Bring you happiness 

That’s a pretty tall order for a group of friends, but forming your own tribe is possible. When you’re running and operating a business, creating a tribe that you can network with and support each other is equally as important.

I choose to hang out with people who add value to my life, not take away from it. Who wants to spend time with friends who drain you? I know it’s a bad sign when I feel exhausted after hanging out with certain people. It looks like they’re not going to be a part of my tribe. 

Related Reading: What should I do with my life? – Check it out Here

Is Your Tribe Supposed to Last Forever? 

Not necessarily. It can, but it may fail too. You might have heard of this saying: “Some friendships happen for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” 

I’m sure your business tribe is going to be made up of friendships that are meaningful to you. However, there will inevitably be moments when you have to accept that relationships have to end and let go for good. 

Yes, ending most relationships is hard, especially if you initially believed that it would be long-lasting, maybe permanent. There were several times in my life where I had to let go of people. But does that mean it was all pointless? 

Of course not! Remember, everything happens for a reason. Ending friendships has a reason too. People generally have around three people in their tribe, so you must choose your friends wisely. 

Every once in a while, assess your friendships. When one is no longer serving you, maybe it’s time to consider working harder on it or letting it go. 

In short, it’s alright if your tribe changes over time. Tribes are supposed to develop and continue to grow as you go through life. 

There will also likely be times when you might want to naturally part ways with people because you’re going on different paths. Try not to be disappointed when this happens because your true tribe will be with you through thick and thin. These people will never abandon you, especially when you need them most. 

The Value of Your Tribe 

Why do you need a tribe anyway? Well, wouldn’t you want people to be with you through happy and challenging times? Finding your tribe is important because they’re meant to be the ones who will never judge you for being yourself. 

There is real value in prioritizing the connections that are closely tied to you. Keep in mind that each member of my tribe is distinct and brings something unique to the table. Do they all know each other? No, they don’t have to. 

They may be acquainted with one another, but there is a difference between a group and a tribe. A group is simply a bunch of individuals that are all each others’ buddies. Your tribe is a group of people who you handpicked for yourself! 

How many people should be in your tribe? Well, I, for one, can count the folks in my tribe on hand. However, there is no fixed rule about who may be in your tribe or how many there should be. 

Life isn’t a popularity contest based on how many friends you have; instead, it’s a value-added process based on what your friends contribute to your life. 

The essential thing to remember while developing your connection with your tribe is to add value to their lives just as much as they provide value to yours. You never want to be unfair and burden people or take and take without giving back. 

Our tribe can be made up of anyone as long as there is balance. I have friends who live in other countries and some that live locally. Some of my best friends I only see 1-2 times per year. 

It really makes no difference who they are or where they come from. I know I can count on them, that they will always be there for me, and that I will enjoy every moment I spend with them. 

How To Find Your Tribe 

Do you sometimes wish you could get a little more out of your friendships? Ever feel as though you don’t have support in certain aspects of your life? Do you need someone to take your hand and reassure you that everything will be okay? 

This is where your tribe comes in. It’s critical to keep track of who you’re spending time with, what areas you feel are lacking in, and how you need to be supported in the next phase of your life. 

To begin, ask yourself the following questions: 

  • Why is it essential for me to find a tribe right now? 
  • Do I need to find a new community or join an existing one? 
  • What best describes my dream tribe? 

It’s best if you recognize what motivates you to build and strengthen your tribe. Then, once you’ve established your objectives, answering the following questions will be much easier. 

  • What role would a tribe play in helping me achieve my objectives? 
  • In what areas of my life do I require more support? 
  • Which emotions do I need to fulfill? 
  • What can I bring to the table?
  • What do I hope to get in exchange? 

Please respond to these questions as honestly and freely as you can. There is no such as an awkward answer. I’ve previously answered the “what emotions do I need to fulfill?” question with “I just don’t want to be lonely.” 

You’ll know what value you need someone to give to your life once you know what you’re searching for. This will keep you from spreading yourself too thin by having too many friends to keep track of, as well as from spending your time with the wrong individuals. 

It’s essential to remember that this is an exclusive selection process. Be picky. Finally, ask yourself: 

  • What are my core values? 
  • How often do I need to communicate with my tribe? 
  • What do I need to do to form the tribe I want? 

Make a list of characteristics of the people you’re looking for and devise a strategy for meeting folks who share your wants and needs. It’s never too late to find new friends, believe me! 

Eventually, I began to teach pottery in my community, and now I have a group of folks who motivate and encourage me. To get to know my new neighbors, I hosted a party for them. 

There are a plethora of methods to get out of your comfort zone and concentrate on developing those life-changing relationships. However, remember that all relationships take time, won’t happen immediately, and need to be cultivated regularly – even ones you’ve had for years. 

It’s also okay if you don’t want to extend your tribe. It only goes to show that all of your needs have been addressed, and you are flying through life with all the support you require. 

Just remember how vital your tribe is. Sometimes, you may need only two individuals, and anything more is a bonus. 

Finally, you’ll have to alter your perspective on friendship. Remember that it’s a two-way street, and your friends should always encourage you to be better and, most importantly, add value to your life. 

Related Reading: I don’t know what I want to do with my life – Read Here

Final Thoughts 

All of this information can be overwhelming, I know. But learning the basics is enough to be able to form your own tribe. Most of these things happen organically, and you don’t have to fixate on the steps and details so much. Be kind and mindful of how others interact with you. Finding your tribe is not as hard as it seems.

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Brooks Conkle Banner Image
Brooks Conkle

Brooks is an entrepreneur, father, husband, & follower of the golden rule. He has over 15 years of experience as an entrepreneur after graduating with a Finance degree from Auburn University. Addicted to starting new business projects, he believes in creating multiple income streams and a life of flexibility. Business should work around your life, not the other way around. He creates content on his website, sharing his projects to help other hustlers in marketing, personal finance, and online business.